Promise

"How many times more do you want to say sorry?"

"A lifetime"

And a lifetime, we will go through together. 

Heartstrings

One fine morning, he drove over to my place and we went for a run. After the run, he walked away and came back with a hibiscus in his hand. While agitatedly telling him off not to pluck flowers off public properties, he intently tuck the hibiscus behind my ear. He took a long breath, took my sweaty hands into his, then recited a mouthful Chinese words which I barely understood. I’m glad I learned enough Chinese to utter a sound reply.

 

 

Today, he would still surprise me at my doorstep with flowers (store bought this time) in his hands and I still don’t know what I did to deserve this.

Don’t Pick a Job, Pick a Boss

I realised that the saying couldn’t be any more true as I took on my first job upon graduation.

I could not be more thankful for the two amazing people whom I can nonchalantly walk in the office and sing “Good morning boss” every morning.

 

 

No matter what, never once they have pushed me under the truck. I won’t be able to thank them enough for having my back when I need support.

Life Goes By Too Quickly

It’s been a year since university, a year since the Cambridge dream.

Looking back, an epiphany hits.

Life will pass by before your eyes if you don’t make a conscious effort to make the most out of every minute at present. 

Work. One year ago, never in my wildest thoughts that I’ll work in an Ed Tech company. It’s easily one of the easiest years I’ve experienced since high school (or maybe even kindergarten). With a job I can keep a work-life balance, I get to do many things I didn’t have time for back then. I’m grateful that I can come home by 8 pm on most days to spend a couple of hours listening to the parents’ little rants about their day. I’m glad I am able to spare some time to work on my fitness in hope to realise the Everest dream some day. I’m thankful to be paid enough to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and at the same time have savings for rainy days. I’m blessed to have bosses who gives you room to make mistakes and opportunities to learn endlessly. I guess some things are always meant to be.

 

Family. They say family is by default not by choice. Given a choice at birth, I wouldn’t change what I have now given all the flaws in the household. My parents may not be the best examplary couple or one that could possibly be my relationship goal but they taught me how to be a good parent and how raise my future children. Given the opportunities to kickstart my career out of the country, I chose to come home for them. And it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made in life

 

Fitness. Ultimately, I want to achieve my Everest dream by age of 28. So this year, I aimed to finish my marathon journey which is to complete at least a full marathon. During a run training one day with a friend, she told me she finally understands why people run. It’s not about finishing the race, it’s not about winning a medal. It’s about pushing yourself to your limits when no one else can. With that, I completed a 21 km run during SCKLM  in 2 hours 50 minutes.

 

Life. Life hits you just like that, sometimes. I learn that age is not determined by the numbers but the wisdom. The only difference I felt being 25 is the time I had to learn more, seek more, and to absorb more life lessons. I used to dread adding numbers to the age but now, I look forward to the many more things I’ve yet to learn in life.

 

Relationship. I’m blessed enough to have met someone who will give in many things just to make me smile. It’s not easy to learn to live with a person. Given what I deem to be normal in many aspects, I would find them strange how the other individual doesn’t operate like the “norm”. I used to think relationship is all about the big things, the “right” feeling, the spark you get when you look him in the eyes and love at first sight. Then I learned a relationship is actually all about the little things. It’s about being non-judgemental when he picks his nose infront of you, it’s about tolerating all the differences, it’s about learning to accept him as who is. After all the guys I’ve dated, I’ve learned that love is an overrated feeling. Love doesn’t happen at first sight, love is grown over time. Love is when you ask yourself if you would still be together with the person if one day, he has become bedridden and has to be fully reliant on you for a lifetime. Without hesitation, if you say yes, that is love.

 

Close to 9 months into the year, 3 more months to fight for my new year resolutions.

And I won’t lose the battle with time.

 

P/S: Thank you for the timely reminder to pen down my life instead of watching it pass by before me.

Jakarta, Indonesia

 

Travelling to different places with different people always call for a fresh experience.

I always have a strong reason when I want to visit a particular city. This time around, I didn’t have an answer when people asked me why Jakarta, of all places?

Marking Jakarta as the 40th city travelled, I easily lost sight of the simple pleasures of the excitement of taking off with a premium airline, being pampered with 3-course meal on board, to checking in a luxurious 4-star hotel.

Thank you for rekindling the excitement in me because those are the little things that makes a trip exciting and fun.

I usually like to have the itinerary planned my way. This time around, I follow suit with a planned itinerary. In a city I thought I’d die stoning for four days, I enjoyed myself to the fullest. I learned to travel in a different way, the way I used to.

 Thank you for the whole new experience of travelling.

Having been to Indonesia and many other Asian countries, a strong stigma that many things are the same have been deeply rooted in me. In Indonesia on my own, I wouldn’t have tried otak-otak, mie ayam, sio may, satay, and fritters on the streets where they wash their plates by the ditch. Why travel 1,600 km away from home to try something you grew up to, that’s what I would have thought. This time around, I tried almost everything I saw and I have to confess that they taste different and my taste buds were dancing in high heaven.

Thank you for making me realise to not make too many assumptions. Thank you for bringing the adventurous side of me out to play again.

As I travel more, my experience and expectation grew exponentially. I complained about how terrible the flight landing was, I complained about the quality of the meal on board. I did not realise that I was comparing the airline to completely different standard of premium airlines. Was I expecting a pilot of 30 years experience to maneuver my 2-hour short haul flight? Was I expecting a 10-year old beautifully aged wine to be complimented with a Michelin-star meal on board?

Thank you for always keeping me grounded, reminding me of good values and to count my blessings.

Growing up in a Muslim country, it’s easy to presume that the same dress code (sleeveless and shorts) is acceptable by your friendly neighbouring country which upholds the same belief. I was proven wrong again and again when I lost count of the amount of people who stared at me from top to bottom. Despite having been to India, arguably one of the most undeveloped countries in the world, I’ve never felt so violated before. In fact, I’ve never felt so frightened walking on the streets and taking a bus sardined between the opposite genders.

Thank you for protecting and looking after me throughout the trip.

 

 

I guess after all these years and all these times, I’ve found myself a keeper :)

2 Years Later

 

It’s been 2 years and so much have changed.

And I couldn’t have been more grateful for that

A 100 Plus and A Lock of Hair Made My Day

#1 The lock of hair from a random stranger

Mom went for her Chinese New Year hair perm today. She came back with a small black plastic bag with a huge smile plastered on her face. She excitedly came up to me and told me that she’s got a lock of hair for me to donate to Locks of Hope, a non-profit foundation dedicated to make wigs out of human hair for cancer patients. She then elaborated that she overheard another customer wanting to cut her hair short, so she asked if she could have her lock of hair.

My mom isn’t the most educated person to teach me my ABCs and all the general knowledge I needed to know but she taught me a lifelong lesson from young, which is to be kind and always to help others.

#2 A RM 2.40 worth of 100 Plus

I went to the petrol station a while ago and as the station was almost full house, I was left with a pump which was on the opposite side of my fuel tank. While I was struggling to gauge if the nozzle is possible to reach the tank, this kind petrol attendant dropped his dustpan and broom and took the nozzle off my hand. While I failed to make my payment, he stood there so patiently to instruct me step by step to make through the payment. I expected him to leave when my payment got through but he went over to the other side and start filling my fuel tank. It was 9pm in the evening, I decided to buy him a 100 Plus with hope that it’ll ease his day. I passed him the drink and when I got back into my car, I saw the brightest smile on him as I caught a glimpse through the side mirror. I remember how excitedly he showed the bottle of drink to his petrol attendant friend.

I understood it wasn’t because he needed the drink badly that he was so delighted. It was probably the very few acts of kindness that he has received throughout his stay in this foreign country.

I am writing this down as a timely reminder to myself that a simple act of kindness can easily make a person’s day. I am not earning an above average salary but RM 2.40 is not a significant amount to lose. To buy someone’s happiness, why not? And this too, is an effort working one of my new year resolutions, which is to spread more kindness and happiness to others.

 

I haven’t ran out of happiness in a very long time like today, I’m not in my best form. But these little things made my day. I then realized, sometimes happiness doesn’t stem from receiving but giving

After All These Times

 

 

After all these times,

After all these years,

It’s you

And it will be always be you

<3

 

 

2015, The Year of Many Adventures

I remembered how the year started off with so much anticipation, fear, uncertainties and excitement.

It was the year I couldn’t have a grip of where, how and what I will be by the end of the year. But now, hey things didn’t end too bad

 

1. Started off with the long awaited trip to Sarawak

I fell in love with East Malaysia when I first visited Sabah for my Mount Kinabalu hike in 2014. The vibes, the people, the city itself reflects unity, how a multiracial community can live in peace with one another, and development of a nation without losing its culture and originality. And that is what a true 1Malaysia is all about.

We did not visit during the best time of the year, but we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless. While we were stranded in Mary’s home due to the floods, we spent our time devouring in authentic durian kampung, chatting away with Mary’s parents, scavenging the forest for langsats and rambutans, and learning to know her better through the environment she grew up in. Sarawak easily became one of my favorite states in Malaysia.

I learned that a holiday need not be packed with the must-visit landmarks. It could be as simple as learning the culture and the way of life through the locals. Mary’s mom cried on the day we had to leave. I then realized a vacation isn’t all about yourself sometimes. It’s about leaving footprints and positive impacts on the people or the city. It was then I knew fighting for the whole trip to work out after 4 years was a worthwhile effort

 

2. A farewell trip to Langkawi with the fellow coursemates

It was that three nights of duty-free alcohol and chocolates that made me realize how blessed I am to have survived my degree with these people. It was also the night we suddenly got to know each other much better under the influence of alcohol and people started sharing their darkest secrets where at one point I doubted my Mandarin fluency for fear I misinterpreted their words.

These bunch of people were not the people I’d expect to be part of when I first started university, mainly due to language barrier and difference in culture. Being born Chinese, I’ve never really been a Chinese all my life. With them, I learned that karaoke is actually pretty fun, Chinese food ain’t that bad, and thanks to them I picked up Mandarin pretty fast. Thanks to them, I learned to know my roots and culture better.

 

3. Spent Chinese New Year with the extended family for the first time, in many years

In many years, we have stopped spending our Chinese New Year break in Penang since my last grandparent passed away. We lost the tradition of having big gatherings, sharing meals together, and spending the nights together with alcohol and poker cards.

This year, we decided to take a break from travelling abroad and instead spend the holiday at the parents’ hometown. And it is still the best way to spend the celebration together with the people who watched you grow up to be who you are today.

It was very fulfilling even though it means just having a meal and hearing the elderlies talking away, playing board games with the little ones, and watching a movie with the cousins you grew up together with.

 

4. Went on an adventure on a whole new level in Cambodia

Cambodia was the first of many things. From eating a duck foetus (balut), to snacking on crickets and tarantula, we did them all. While I enjoyed my trip as a backpacker, the condition of the country’s people saddened me so much. The sight of children as young as 2 years old walking out on the streets to ask for money was heartbreaking. The fact that we couldn’t help them all and saying no to them was even more heartbreaking. Charging us unreasonable cutthroat prices but at the same time understanding the rationale behind them doing so, haggling with the tuk tuk drivers always put us in a dilemma. Conversations with the locals were always very hard, not because of the language barrier but listening to the life stories they share.

It made me realize that it’s so easy to walk in and out of the country seeing the beautiful side of it only while people are suffering, there is more that we travellers can do to help them.

 

6. Attended Cambridge University

It is the dream I fought so hard for that when it came true, I couldn’t differentiate the realms of dream and reality anymore. It was a dream so surreal, I wanted to share the experience with people around me that Siau Inn and I offerred free accommodation and food to people who came to visit us.

It is the dream that 20 years down the road, I want to tell my kids that they should not be fearful of dreaming the impossibilities. I want them to believe that if they try hard enough, things will fall into place eventually.

 

7. Visited 23 cities in 15 countries in a whole different continent

With the best companion I could ask for, we let ourselves out and enjoyed to the fullest. From chasing after snatch thieves to making it to the Swiss Alps, it was an adventure of a lifetime that we both will remember for a long time.

8. Found back my best friend

 

If I did not, my only regret in university would be losing her.

 

9. Explored my spiritual path

I’ve never been a religious person all my life but sometimes, you just have to believe in the existence of the higher power in this universe. The encounter with my teacher was more than just a coincidence, we both believed. And this too is a new year resolution for me this year.

 

10. Graduated as a chemical engineer

I fought hard to make the most out of that 4 years of my life, to become a graduate my family will be proud of. And I’m glad I did it. Looking back 4 years ago, I wouldn’t have foresee the person I’ve became today. And I’m happy with who I am today.

 

11. Got struck by Cupid and learned to love again

I highly suspected that Cupid overlooked my name in the list the past year and made it up by shooting arrows at me aimlessly this year. Perhaps Cupid knew I love travelling, he thought it would be funny to pair me up with guys from all parts of the world. Not funny, Cupid.

 

 

So many adventures for the heart and soul, I love 2015 in many ways. Looking back, I’m glad I took chance at every opportunity for a new experience.

2015, I wouldn’t want to have you in any other way.

 

 

365 days later, I’ve got 6 new year resolutions checked.

The heart longs for an adventure

 

 

I miss the weight of the 30L rucksack on my shoulders

I miss strapping the bulky DSLR on my neck and capturing precious moments

I miss wandering on unfamiliar streets, getting lost in the maze-gridded city

I miss letting my guard down and exploring the best of what the country has to offer

I miss meeting new friends who will generously share you their amazing life stories

My Kind of Hogwarts

 

I miss waking up to a dream come true, every single morning.

The Thing About This Place

 

 

There is something special about this particular restaurant, a little hidden gem off Burma road.

It felt like it was written somewhere that I have to visit this place everytime I come to Penang because always, someone somehow somewhat will bring me back to this restaurant which I still don’t know its name and how to get there. That was how I developed a love hate relationship with this place.

The first time I dined there, I wished that eternal happiness would last.

The second time was a very emotional one because it was then I learned that eternal happiness doesn’t exist.

On the third occasion two years later, I grew, I learned and I realized. There are more things in life than to wait for that someone to bring you back to the same place for that delightful bowl of hokkien mee.

Two years later, I lost someone but found (back) someone even more precious :)

Committed

It means making room for someone new into your life.

It means putting his happiness before yours.

It means listening intently to the things he don’t say out loud.

It means making each other a better person.

It means re-learning how to communicate.

 

 

 

 

Because it’s no longer about you alone.

Faith in Humanity Restored

 

When I first came back from Europe, I used to rave about how kind and courteous those people are.

Today when I went for my usual run at the park, I saw an auntie cycling through the park. She then stopped to feed the stray dogs, possibly with her leftover dinner. On the greens, there was an uncle and his child trying to help a foreigner with his sprained leg.

I almost forgot that people of my country, too are equally kind

I learned that if you look close enough, kindness is everywhere.

How was Europe?

It’s been a week and every time people see me, they get very excited and ask me a question which I find very difficult to answer, “So how was Europe?”

Most of the time, my best answer would be “It was good!”

 

 

How am I expected to summarise 2 months worth of  a lifetime adventure into a sentence?

Today, I am an Engineer

It felt like it was just yesterday that I was crying during my first call back home. I almost left UTM on my first day of orientation.

I did not see it coming, the culture shock, the language barrier, the less decent dormitories, showers without shower heads, stained toilet tiles, and flies infested cafeterias. Four years later, those little factors became the reasons to my perseverance and strength today.

From young, I’ve always dreamed of studying abroad but it was never fulfilled. Two months ago, I completed my summer school at the University of Cambridge. Knowledge and experience, these were the best graduation gift my parents and sister could ever give me.

True enough, studying in a public university is not as glamorous as the rest of other friends who are graduates from the UK and Australia. I then asked myself. Given a choice, would I still spend my four years in UTM? Repeatedly, my answer is yes, with absolutely no regrets.

While every other Chinese in my course graduated with a first class honours, I did not. Deep down inside, I knew if I did, I would not have been able to join competitions and meeting people whom I once call team mates and now becoming friends I’d want to keep for a lifetime, to commit time and effort into student organisations and clubs I’ve enjoyed being part of, and devoting myself into a research project which gave me an overwhelming sense of satisfaction as I witness the end result for myself.

Four years passed in a glimpse of an eye but when I looked back, I see countless of memories and experiences I made.

It wasn’t easy, I have to admit. Imagine juggling a full time job and a full time degree all at the same time. I did one of the arguably hardest pre-university course which is the sixth form. My teachers back then promised me that university would be a breeze. I proved them wrong. If I manage to sneak 6 hours sleep a day, I consider myself lucky. If I get to nap, I consider that a bonus. From a weekly routine, meetings became my daily routines. Everyday, a long to-do list awaits me but to have them all ticked at the end of the day, I gain a huge sense of satisfaction and contentment and I would do it all over again.

I used to metaphorize my homecoming as coming out of the jungle. As opposed to Kuala Lumpur, life was pretty much simple in Skudai for me, just the way I like it. Ask anyone and they can easily name you my favourite restaurant and bakery. I became loyal like that. I learned to appreciate the vast collection of books the library has. It made me so happy when sometimes I could find hidden gems among the rack of books. Occasionally, I would drive up to the newly built library, do my work there in complete peace and tranquillity. I loved my evening jogs and weekend swims a lot. I look forward to them most of the time. I particularly liked how strangers would simply smile at me as we jogged past each other. Life wasn’t happening with parties every other day. I stopped attending large gatherings. Instead, I love the regular meet ups with some close friends where we could talk about our future, plans, inspirations or even random projects (we ended up having our grocery delivery business) all night long over a glass of teh tarik. Sometimes when I miss home, a good bowl of mee hun kueh or a call from the parents is good enough to make my day.

I’m sure everybody’s university chapter in life comes with a cheesy love story. Falling in and out of love in university is almost inevitable. Eventually, it becomes one of the stories people would brush off as a silly mistake they make when they’re young. For me, it taught me a life lesson. I learned how to love. I learned that if you love the person, you don’t have to own that person. Falling out of love was easily the toughest time of my university life because it took away my value, happiness. Today when I looked back, I understood why fate made that twist and put me into that test of strength. And I’m glad it happened that way. =)

In UTM, I had a family. During my convocation, I went back to visit the academic officers and staffs who have selflessly helped me through the four years. They teared and couldn’t be any prouder of who I’ve become today. They were the epitome of what 1Malaysia is all about, how the amount of melanin we have and the difference in beliefs did not matter.

6 years ago, I dreamed to be an actuary. Today, I graduated with a chemical engineering degree and it’s one of the best things that happened in life 

Back in university, it was all about finding directions in life and shaping the person I want to become. Today, it’s no longer about me alone. It’s about contributing what I’ve taken from my nation and building a better Malaysia.

A Beautiful Mistake

You know what’s the beauty of an experience?

We subconsciously build a protective mechanism to avoid ourselves from making the same mistake from a previous experience.

 

 

But sometimes you’d realize that the experience is worth the pain of making the mistake. Hence, you let yourself do it all over again.

10 More Days

 

One day when I look back at this, my only wish would be that I’d have no regrets

Revelation

 

 

Today, I realize that we’ve got one more month left.

Nailed the Interim!

 

Two whole weeks of meeting almost every single night till 2 or 3am, all for this.

But it never felt like a burden, because of these people.

Every time I am stressed up and on the verge of breaking down, they’ll reassure me “Becca, don’t worry. We will do it together”

I think that was all the reassurance I needed.